


Running Up That Hill

by SangreSnow



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: -puts self in the corner for even writing this-, Angst, Gen, Root A Ending, angst everywhere, cause that ending really kills the soul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-02 19:23:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4071706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SangreSnow/pseuds/SangreSnow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And if I only could, make a deal with God and get him to swap our places. Be running up that road, be running up that hill, be running up that building. If I only could...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Running Up That Hill

**Author's Note:**

> Oh look! I can write a normal Hide!  
> Oh look, there's this really nice looking coffin in here.  
> Lemme just get in here all comfy and close the top.

 

 

_Remember the 'me' the way I used to be._  
_As who I still should be_

 

 

 

 

His home was almost lost.

Barely hanging by a thread, Death with its grasp clutching onto his home, ready for the right moment to rip it away for him.

How ironic was it that he made the decision to leave everyone, his friends at Anteiku and his best friend all for the sake of becoming strong; strong to protect, strong because he never wanted to make a choice of who lives and who dies ever again.

Become the strong and devour those that would mean harm to his friends..

...And to Hide.

Hide, who had been there for him through thick and thin.

Hide, who befriended him when no one else had interested in doing so.

Hide, who he could never walked beside with anymore.

Hide... Who was his home.

And now...

Now he was dying.

Kaneki wanted to laugh, wanted to cry, wanted to scream because all of this was unfair. All he had done was for the sake of protecting and now in his arms, bleeding to death was his only place, his only person to call home. Touka was right. He didn't do all this to protect, he did it so he would never be alone and now he as paying the price for being deluded into thinking he could actually accomplish such goals.

Snow crunched beneath his boots, making his way down the white covered ground, ignoring the remaining Doves around him as they stared perplexed and confused as too why a ghoul was even there. He walked straight into a den of lions. Lions hurt and angry from those who had been lost and slaughtered during this raid. Kaneki couldn't care. He couldn't bring himself to care. There was only one goal in mind and that was to save Hide.

_Hide.._

Looking down to peer at the peaceful face of the blond, the SS-rated ghoul lift the hand cradling the back of the other's neck, up enough to bring his best friend closer to peer at, to make sure he was breathing.

And he was.. Barely.

His heart fell, knowing that there may not be enough time to even save him, but he had too. He just had too.

If Hide died, if his one last place of home was taken from him, Kaneki wouldn't know what to do. He lose it, give in completely to the ghouls inside of him, let them consume him, there would be nothing left.

He just didn't care.

"Hide.." Whispered Kaneki softly before hearing the shuffling of snow and glance around finally. Those that had survived and not tending the weak, were moving about, poise, ready to strike and all he could do was look on solemnly, calmly, half hoping they didn't attack and half hoping they did.

_Crunch_

_Crunch_

_Crunch_

Shoe prints left behind in the white crisp ground, the ice cold wind blowing flutters of white flakes around as he continued to walk, move forward because this would be the last time. Even when the sky lit up from above, a bright light casting on him, kicking up a whirlwind of ice, Kaneki's hair fluttered about, but didn't even falter in his steps, the loud noise above hovering for what seemed like a minute before silence resume once again as the helicopter passed over.

With the light still bright above, Kaneki walked the last stretch of the green mile.

                            _Crunch_

_Crunch_

_Crunch_

And finally his feet stopped, standing there and before him the face of Death, staring back with cold and calm eyes reflecting behind glasses. His grip tighten around the body he was caring almost afraid to let it go, almost afraid that even if he gave himself up here and now, there was no telling if Hide would survive.

Right there and then, Kaneki wanted to turn and flee, take Hide with him, go somewhere remote and quiet, watch the sunrise and then...

Slowly he move to lower his best friend to the cold ground, the snow pillowing the body before Kaneki stood back up, looking at the God of Death. He stood there with an expression of despair and hoplessness, a face of a broken man who had and is on the verge of losing everything.

"Please," His voice was shaking. "For Hide's sake, I give myself up. Just please.." Tears began to sting the corner of Kaneki's eyes. "Please save him." His voice cracked.

It was strange wasn't it, a ghoul pleading for the life of another.

It wasn't like a ghoul, but then again, Kaneki wasn't like most ghouls, he had been born human.

Once upon a time, he had humanity before giving it all up to had become what he was, only to be reminded that he never really lost his humanity. It was still there, his best friend showed him that after accepting who and what he had become before his blood was left to paint all over his hands.

It was hard to read the Shinigami, unsure if he was even considering his plea and Kaneki wanted to cry, to beg, and so close to doing so. He was giving himself up! To save Hide!

He **had** to save Hide.

He  **needed**  to save Hide.

Hide didn't deserved this. Hide deserved a life, not to die here!

If there was anyone who didn't deserve Hide, it was him. Kaneki knew he didn't deserve to have someone like Hide, someone who was always at his side, watching over him, loving him.

                                                                 _Don't you know, Kaneki! Rabbits die when they're lonely!_

Hide wasn't the rabbit, the blond had never been, it was him was. Kaneki finally understood that now after all these years of his best friend repeating his motto. _He_ was the one who would've died of loneliness had it not been for the blond at his feet.

"Alright."

The reply was so soft spoken that a human would have missed it, but not Kaneki. His head jerked up, sucking a deep breath and held it as Arima confirmed his reply.

"Your conditions are accepted."

The black briefcase with a gold trim suddenly clicked opened and long slender lance-like quinque took form. IXA gleamed in the reflected light of the street lamps proudly, all it's strength and power. A quinque powerful enough to end ghouls like him.

Relief washed over the said ghoul, as he glance down at the teen at his feet. Hide was going to be alright. Hide was going to be saved and Kaneki couldn't be more happy as he was at this moment as something finally had gone right. He barely paid any heed to the sudden quick footsteps in the snow, rushing towards him.

His only concern was Hide.

His _soulmate_ was going to smile once more.

 

_'Hey, you. You're always reading books by yourself at school, huh?'_

_The new voice had jerked Kaneki's head up, attention ripped from the book to see the new kid from his school. He shifted nervously, feeling wary, wondering if the new kid was going to poke fun of him just like all the others. They thought him to be weird enough, so why wouldn't this one too?_

_'I-is that wrong?' Asked Kaneki meekly._

_To his astonishment, the boy simply chuckled in amusement. 'I don't mean that. I just moved here, so I don't have any friends.' He move to sit next to Kaneki without bothering to ask. Kaneki wasn't sure how to feel about that, but he was curious now._

_'So would you be my friend?' The blond kid just suddenly blurted out, leaning forward that Kaneki jerked back surprised. Was he serious? He didn't even have time to mull if over, replying quickly._

_'Mm-hmm, sure.' His heart suddenly began to beat rapidly as the blond's face broke out into a happy grin, obviously quite happy with Kaneki accepting his offer._

_'Alright! I'm Nagachika Hideyoshi! Call me Hide! Nice to meet you!' The boy crowed, holding out his hand. Kaneki felt himself give a shy smile, reaching out to take his hand in a shake._

_'Mm-hmm! Nice to meet you, Hide.' Was this what it was like?_

_To make a friend?_

_It was a good feeling.._

"Uh.."

Eyes blinked blearily the whole world coming out of a fog and unfocused. Eyes stung with pain at first before glancing up at something white and bright above before everything slowly came into focus like a camera lens, eyes adjusting to the bright sunlight. It wasn't till they realize they were staring up at a ceiling.

Slowly the head tilt, taking more of their surroundings. A tray, a chair, a door leading somewhere and suddenly a loud noise buzz seemingly to come outside.

' _Paging Dr. Noburo_.'

A hospital.

Hide was in a hospital.

A soft beeping noise came from right and turn his head to see the heart monitor and the opening to outside, noises floated inside his small room, chattering of by passing nurses as they made their rounds. Why was he in the hospital, how did he even get here?

Last thing he remember was--

 

                                _Kaneki Let's go home._

 

Where was Kaneki now?

" _Ohayo gozaimasu_." A soft greeting came from the door way after a knock was given. Hide glanced over to see a young nurse had entered with her black hair pulled back into a ponytail and wearing a colorful fish pattern set of scrubs.

" _O-ohayo_.." He whispered, his throat feeling hoarse and dry. Smiling the nurse busy herself checking his vitals before writing on the white board across from his bed of his vitals, his name, her name and today's date.

"You've been out for two days and a half, but its good to see you're awake and up." The nurse commented before turning to look at the blond.

"Wh-what had happened...?" He tried asking but even speaking was exhausting.

"Just get some rest, I'll bring you a pitcher of water, okay?" The nurse soothed, checking the heart monitor. Frowning, Hide gave in for now leaning back in his bed and closed his eyes with a tired sigh.

After getting some liquid into his system and his throat much feeling better, moisten now, Hide had asked Joon, the nurse from earlier, what happened. It was then he found out that he been in surgery in order to save his life and that his percentage of actually surviving and regaining conscious had been pretty slim, so to see that he was awake after his almost three day coma, was a miracle.

Hid asked if it just had been him or was there anyone else. Joon told him he was one of many of others that had been treated after the raid in 20th Ward.

"Where you in on it? Or just happen to be caught in the cross fire?" Asked Joon, placing another pitcher of water on his tray.

"I was part of it." Hide spoke distantly, glancing out the window of his room, hearing his nurse's 'oo how exciting' comment. "I was trying to find someone."

"Oh, did you?"

"I did, but now I don't know what's happened with him."

"I'm sure he's fine, Nagachika. I'll check on you later."

And for most of the rest of the day, Hide was by himself save for his nurse coming to check up on him every so often. The next day the doctor had came to visit, inspecting Hide, seeing how he was faring after the surgery.

"Any stiffness?" Dr. Aoki asked, pressing gently around the bandages of the blond's side where that once had been a gaping hole left by a ghoul with a white face and that wide creepy grin. Just the though made Hide shuddered, thankfully the doctor didn't notice or passed it off as something else.

"Just the pain in my abdomen." Reported Hide. With a nod, Dr. Aoki rolled back, snapping off the exam gloves before tossing them in the trash.

"Have you tried to eat?" Hide shook his head.

"Only liquids have been given to me." Nodding again, the doctor scribble something on his clipboard, most likely notes of his progress.

"We can try and start giving you some solid foods to see how you do, but you're doing exceptionally well." There seemed to be surprise evident in his voice.

"That's good, right?" Hide asked, pulling his hospital gown back up, covering himself once more. He didn't realize how cold it was till his bare midriff had been exposed.

"It is, but usually it would take a few more days, possibly a week to get where you're at." He explained.

Hide cracked a weak grin. "Maybe it's just in my genes." He joked. The Doctor merely nod.

"Try and take a few walks around the hospital, I'm sure you're getting restless sitting around." Clicking his pen close, the doctor slipped it back into his pocket protector turning to go.

"I just have one question."

"Yes?"

Hide looked up at the older male. "Did someone my age, with white hair, come in?" Hide asked hopefully.

His hope diminished when Dr. Aoki shook his head. "No, sorry." And with that he left to tend to his other patients.

Hide was left to sit on the bed, hands balling in the sheets.

_Kaneki.._

Having taken the Doctor's advice, Hide took a small walk around, pushing his IV stand along with, making light conversation with the nurses at their station, asking curious questions about mostly what happen in the 20th Ward and his fellow CCG officers. While he was happy some of the officers had survived, the one person he was really looking for was no where to be found.

It seemed he was never admitted or had even showed up, then again, why would he? His best friend was after all, a ghoul. The blond had hoped out that just maybe Kaneki had gotten out alive.

He returned to his room a bit depress before finding some solace in his sleep.  
  
After having woken up, from his nap around lunchtime time, Nurse Joon brought him some food, smiling and making light conversation as Hide merely nodded politely to show he was listening. His stomach gurgle at the sight of food, feeling like it had been ages since he ate. Picking up the spoon, he shovel some rice onto it before bringing it to his mouth, slipping it in.

Immediately he choked and cough, spatting it out. Quickly the nurse was at his side, patting his back, asking if he was okay.

"I think so?" Hide was uncertain, staring hard at the rice. "The rice... Just taste so bland." Like plastic.

"Perhaps it's too soon for you to eat something yet." Joon smiled kindly, taking his food but left the juice box. "We'll try later!" She chirped optimistically as Hide nodded.

Yeah, later..

Later had came and gone and with the night shift nurse bringing him his dinner, all Hide could do was stare. A bit was taken out of the fish and immediately he gagged, it tasted like vomit of rotten food.

He left the rest untouched.

The next morning he hadn't even bother to eat.

Perhaps his taste buds just weren't up to it after what had happened. Hide frown as he lean against the pillows of his bed. As Joon returned in the morning to take his vitals, Hide had been watching the news, talk of mostly what happened to Tokyo. The CCG raid had been such a success and the cleanup had commence.

There was no talk of an 'Eyepatch'.

_Kaneki..._

The rest of the day had gone as slow just like yesterday, only having his walk to occupy himself. He'd gotten himself in trouble, having left his floor and took the elevator down to the first floor. A security guard had caught him and escorted him back to his floor, Hide could only crack jokes that the runaway patient had been apprehended. It wasn't till dinner rolled around that his meal came with a few visitors.

"Yoshitoki-sensei.." Hide was a bit surprise to see the Director there and.. "Who are you?" His eyes landed on an elderly man with a thick and gruffy mustache and wearing oblong glasses over his thin lazy eyes with thinning gray hair ontop of his head. What stood out the most to Hide was the man had lacked eyebrows.

"This is Dr. Shiba. He works for the CCG. He was in charge of your surgery when we brought you in." Yoshitoki answered.

"Oh." Hide gave a small nod. "Thank you.." Dr. Shiba only nodded. Hide return his attention to the Director. "Its nice of you to visit me, but I have a feeling you usually don't make house calls." He joked lightly before falling quiet. It seemed to have gotten quite tense in here.

The Director only smiled. "Its true, especially with the clean up underway. I came to inform you that Dr. Shiba would be in charge of looking after you. Your surgery was miracle and we wanted to make sure there is no side effects." He stated.

Hide nodded, still slightly confused. Something wasn't right, but he went along with it anyways. "I see, must been a very unusual situation if you had to bring a Doctor from CCG!" He grinned.

Yoshitoki only nodded once more. It was hard to get a read on the man, who kept his expression as neutral as ever. It was a bit frustrating for Hide. "I need to take my leave but it is good to see you are doing well, Nagachika." Hide gave a wave as the Director left before turning his attention back to the other.

"So.." Hands clasp together, thumbs twiddling.

Dr. Shiba gave a fleeting smile before pulling the empty chair up to his head. "Any pain?"

"Only around my abdomen, but its more like discomfort and it itches like crazy!" Joked Hide. Dr. Shiba only nodded, pulling out a small notepad and a pen. He began to scribble.

At this point Hide was feeling more like a lab rat rather then a patient.

"Have you been eating?"

Hide grimace. "Ah.. Not really. Its like taste buds are off, everything taste like crap accept the water." More scribbles on the notepad.

"I think I can remedy that. Any swelling? Nauseating?" Hide merely shook his head no. Satisfied, Dr. Shiba mention to look at Hide's wound which he complied.

Pulling down his gown, the blond watched quietly as the doctor poke and prodded, even going as far to unwrap the bandages. There beneath was his flesh all sutured up surrounded by ugly purple and greenish bruise markings. It looked unpleasant and a little sickly.

Dr. Shiba merely inspected, taking note of how the wound was coming along in the week Hide had been here. Rewrapping his bandages back up, he move to stand up. "You're making good progress. I'll change your diet tomorrow to see if you're able to consume it. Let me know if anything off happens." Hide nodded and the doctor left.

Once more he was alone.

The next morning, someone different had came in to check his vitals, leaving a very confused Hide sitting on the bed.

"Where's Joon?" Where was his preppy nurse?

"Shes around but because you are under the CCG watch, they assigned me took after you." She turned to look st Hide. "I'm Kotone." Hide greeted her quietly as the new nurse left.

What difference did it make if the CCG took interested in his case, he was sure Joon was just as qualified. Something wasn't right and it was making Hide nervous.

Just what the hell was going on?

Kotone returned with a tray of food and though covered with a plastic top, he could smell it from here and it smelled like heaven! His stomach gurgle in response, realizing just how famished he been.

"That smells great honestly! I guess when you haven't eaten in almost three days, even hospital food smells like a home cooked meal." Joked Hide. Kotone merely kept a straight face before taking her leave, closing the door behind her.

The blond shrugged, some people didn't have a sense of humor and he wasted no thought of unable to make his new nurse laugh. At least Joon had found him funny. He was sure missing his old nurse..

Focusing more on his food, the blond lifted up the lid, looking to see what look like meatloaf on his plate. Though it looked a bit off, Hide couldn't bring himself to care as he picked up a fork and move to cut a piece of it off before bringing it to his mouth. A deep breath and a quiet prayer before he took a bite.

The first bite was like flavor exploded on his taste buds. Succulent and sweet, tangy and oh so damn delicious!

Finally! Finally something he could eat!

Without even waiting to swallow his first bite, Hide dug into his food, eating ravenously because he was hungry, but mostly because he was just so happy that he could finally eat something that didn't threaten to come back up! It was enough to let him know that everything was going to be alright.

Everything was going to be okay.

Downing his water after his meal, Hide place both fork and knife on the plate before pushing the tray aside so it wasn't in his way as he push himself off the bed. While he felt satisfied, he didn't actually feel full after stuffing himself like that.

How strange.

Moving to the small bathroom near his bed, Hide flipped on the light before feet padded on the cold tile to the sink. The sound of water running filled the air as the faucet was turned on and he move to wash his hands before cupping them together to catch enough water and splash his face.

He was feeling better already.

Slurping some water next, Hide swirled it around his mouth before spitting it out and then turn the faucet off. Leaning up to look at himself in the mirror, his reflection immediately cause the blond to jump back startle from what was staring back at him.

_Wha..._

There in the mirror was a doppelganger from the blond damp hair to the hospital gown. The only difference there was staring back at him was the warm brown eye and a ghoul eye.

No.. That wasn't right!

Heart thumping away in his chest, Hide shakily lifted a hand to cover his left eye, his twin in the mirror doing the same.

_No..._

His hand lowered and still staring back at him was the black and red oculus. The last time he seen a one eye ghoul was back at the café, back when he finally caught up to _him_ after missing for almost six months.

Kaneki.

How could.. It couldn't be.. He couldn't be!

There was no way..

No how...

Peering closer to his reflection, Hide use two fingers to try and spread his eyelids wider, rolling his eyes around before staring right back at the mirror.

He was a ghoul..

He was.. Oh God..

                 _Ohgodohgodohgod..!_

Looking back at his bedside through the open bathroom door, eyes settled on the empty plate.

If he was a ghoul.. Then that means..

Hide couldn't even bring himself to finish that thought, a hand covering his mouth, the other clutching at his stomach as he lurch.

He ate... He ate...!!!

No.. No no no no _nononononononono.....!!!!_

Looking back at the mirror, his reflection was pale, all color drain from his face, eyes wide and tears brimming at the edge as salt water stung. His vision began to blur, everything suddenly growing hazy.

Kaneki.. 

                                                   _Kaneki..._

__**KANEKI!**_        _

And Hide screamed.

Screamed like he was dying.

Screamed like he was being torn apart.

Screamed and wailed and sobbed because what the hell had _happened to him!_

His cries filled the bathroom, filled his hospital room, alerted both nurses and patients, but that wasn't all.

As he hunched over, clutching himself, sobbing in despair, his lower back began to itched and sting like something hot was bubbling on his flesh before with a loud sickening pop, two crimson Rinkaku tails fully emerged and _tha_ t set of Hide into a hysterical fit. It was what broke him, seeing the kagune twistering and wavering about.

He blubbered.

Laughed.

Cried.

And screamed some more till his throat went raw from vocals being strained to hard.

Fingers dug into his skull, clawing at it as his out of control kagune smashed into the wall and tore up the tiles. He didn't even notice that Dr. Shiba had came in with two other Doves, lost in is break down as they toss a canister of RC suppressant gas. It spewed and stunk and Hide coughed and choked, feeling himself weaken from inhaling much of the gas, his lung burning. The kagune began to weaken as the effects took hold of it, the tails shuddering and curling up before it dissipated into a red mist.

Down the blond went with a loud thump, curled up in his now torn up bathroom, whimpering and sobbing as hands weakly covered his face.

_Kaneki._

 

 

"What did you guys do to me?" Hide asked the following day after finally regaining consciousness from his fit.

His room was different, no longer with that friendly vibe along with the absent of a window. It felt hollow and cold, like a prison cell and the only person that's been in to check up on him was someone that wasn't a nurse.

But Dr. Shiba himself.

The old male took off his glasses to clean them with a cloth he pulled out of his coat pocket. Hide wanted to insist again, but kept his patience, watching and waiting. Once the glasses were clean and place back on his face, Dr. Shiba looked at Hide.

"You came to us more dead than alive, delivered by Take Hirako, explaining that a ghoul had brought you to Arima, asking him to save your life in return for giving himself up."

Hide felt his heart drop.

No...

"Your internal organs were so very damaged beyond repair, it was a miracle you were even still alive, barely hanging on. We didn't have organs on sight nor laying around like some Black Market and even if we did, there was no time to match them up to see if they were compatible." A brief pause.

"So, we worked with what we had."

Hide could feel the color starting to drain from his face once again.

"It was by a long shot, I admit. I wasn't even sure if the surgery was going to be a success. After all, I am no Kanou." Dr. Shiba gave a dry laugh. "Its good to know that it was a success, despite the minor setbacks." He looked at Hide.

Minor setbacks? He called being turned into a ghoul and eating human flesh from now on, a minor setback?! He wanted to scream again, curl up and cry, but he didn't. Not in front of this man. Swallowing dryly, Hide tried to speak at first but his voice cracked, still hoarse from all the screaming done yesterday.

Clearing his throat, he tried again. "Who.. Who did.." _You use?_

At first it didn't seem the good doctor wasn't going to indulge that information and Hide was more ready to beg and plead, but at the same time, didn't want to even press the matter. Did he really want to know? The choice was made for him as Dr. Shiba looked up at Hide.

"The ghoul known as Eyepatch."

And just like that, Hide's whole world shattered in pieces.

Kaneki was.. _Kaneki was..!!_

"As I said, we had to work with what we had and knowing it could be done, using the one of many kakuhou sacs harvested from the One Eye would indefinitely save your life. Even if--" He was interrupted by how quick Hide sprung from his bed, racing to the bathroom and slammed it shut behind him. The sound of retching could be heard and Dr. Shiba concluded this visit was over.

"Get some rest, Nagachika-san. I'll come back tomorrow." With that, the Doctor left, leaving a distraught Hide clutching the bowl of the toilet.

_Kaneki was.._

His eyes squeezed shut tightly.

_Kaneki was..._

His teeth gritted, clenching hard enough his teeth were sure to crack.

**_Inside of him_**.

His best friend was inside of him now. A part of him that saved Hide from death.

Warm tears slip down his cheek as forehead was press against the cool ceramic of the toilet. A pitiful and painful sob tore from his throat, a feeling of hopeessnes taking over him once more.

_You idiot.. You stupid idiot!! You stupid,_ _I'm_ suppose _to look after **you**!_ Hide wanted to cry out. His best friend was truly gone and the only thing left of him was now inside of him.

More warm and salty tears spilled down his cheeks as Hide crumple to the ground, curling up once more on the bathroom floor, his voice cracking with a heavy filled sob.

 

                                 "Kaneki..."

 

 

 

 

_Oh won't you tell?_  
_Oh please just tell.._  
_Well now who could it be..._  
_that lives inside of me._

 

 


End file.
